dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
