Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize