The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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