Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
