arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So vagazzling was a success
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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