Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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