did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
