we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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