i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize