How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I need moral support for this bender
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
