I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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