Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
