I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
do nipples grow back?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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