So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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