don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Semen is not good for contacts.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
