Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
