it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
