Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
