And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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