the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
