Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
