I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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