This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
