I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
