Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
