he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
