I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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