I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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