Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
