We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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