Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
