Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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