i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i dont even know how to be here
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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