i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
