Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
