That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
