Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize