hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
