tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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