No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
