its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
