please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
