I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
