when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
