im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
