i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
