Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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