I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He has the fingertips of a God
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