Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
