tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize