Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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