My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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