Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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