She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize