Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
