I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
