Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
