dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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