Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
