I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
