Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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