Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
