Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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