She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize