i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
