My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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